Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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