didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
