after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
