Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
