He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
