Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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