good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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