you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
