So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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