I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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