It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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