Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
