After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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