It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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