i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
