what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize