I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
