two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize