So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
