**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
