I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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