I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
