apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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