Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
