She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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