Having a random hookup so left but love u
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
