i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize