I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
