I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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