he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
