I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
