wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
