I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
