And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
