I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
