Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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