You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
