I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
