so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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