He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
