You just made me feel so damn special
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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