No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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