It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
