Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize