I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
