i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
