If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so let's talk penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
