Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
