he shaved USA in his pubs
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
