There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
