Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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