You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm jealous of your bromance
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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