tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
