I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
