i was born a porn star she said
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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