Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
