I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
