Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
honey bunches of taint.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize