My friends, they love my intelligence
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
