I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
