Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize