When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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