I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
