I got chris browned last night
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
