I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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