meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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