How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
