I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
