my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
