Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
