He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
