farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
