Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
