At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
