Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
