You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
