There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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