i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
