Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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